Nightmares
by gorgeousdora
Summary: When the nightmares become more than he can bare, Spencer leans on JJ for comfort.


**Just a little Criminal Minds drabble for you all to enjoy! :)**

* * *

Spencer Reid sat bolt upright in his bed, gasping for air and drenched in sweat. A low moan escaped his throat as he rubbed his face and pushed his hair back. He closed his eyes as he tried to steady his breathing, but images swam before him, faces flooded with fear, eyes wide with horror and filled with tears.

He snapped his eyes open and threw off the covers, his whole body shaking, and staggered to his en suite. He braced himself against the sink, trying to settle the clenching in his stomach, and looked into the mirror.

The bags under his eyes were a deep purple blue, almost like dark bruises, a dead giveaway of the sleepless nights of the last couple of weeks. The images of the dream (nightmare would be more accurate) came flooding back to him, flashes of flailing hands and screams and blood… there was always so much blood…

A wave of nausea overtook him and Spencer heaved his guts into the sink. He moaned again at the unpleasant twisting in his stomach and turned on the tap. He quickly rinsed his mouth, then pulled off his top, desperate to cool his overheated body. He splashed himself with cold water, running it through his hair, over his face, down his neck, arms and chest. His whole body ached with exhaustion as he dragged himself back into the bedroom, but not to sleep, not back to those horrors that he couldn't seem to escape, as hard as he tried.

Spencer crawled into his bed and pulled the covers back over himself haphazardly, leaving his upper body bare as his skin burned feverishly. He needed to focus on something else, something that was real, and safe, and clean, and not covered in red…

"0, 1, 1, 2, 3, 5, 8, 13, 21, 34," he frantically whispered to himself, squeezing his eyes shut as he recited the Fibonacci sequence, "55, 89, 144, 233, 377, 610, 987..."

The numbers swirled in Spencer's mind. Simple, logical, sequential. Numbers made sense. Numbers were predictable. Numbers were black and white and not red-

Bile rose in Spencer's throat as his mouth flooded with warm saliva. He quickly hauled himself into a sitting position against the wall, letting the cool paint chill his back, sticky with perspiration. He tried to deepen his shallow breaths, filling his lungs and counting his breaths. He was so tired. He was so sick of being afraid to fall asleep. He was so sick of the darkness he always seemed to be teetering on the edge of, feeling as if he might tip over at any minute. He needed a distraction. Something to make him feel something other than hopelessly lost and drowning…

He reached over to the bedside table and grabbed his mobile. He squinted at the brightness as he unlocked it and opened up his contacts, scrolling until he found the name he was looking for. After a moment's hesitation, he tapped the screen to make the call.

* * *

Jennifer Jareau started awake at the sound of her mobile vibrating violently beside her bed. She threw a hand out and clutched sleepily at the general area the sound was coming from until she felt the phone beneath her hand. She blearily rubbed her eyes as she checked the screen.

"Spence, for God's sake it's one thirty in the morning." She grumbled as she noticed the time.

Suddenly, a sick feeling struck her and her chest started to constrict. Why _was_ Spencer calling her at one thirty in the morning? In her haste to accept the call, she dropped the phone on her face. Swearing, JJ rushed to pick it up and hurriedly jabbed the screen to answer the call. She held it to her ear, hoping she hadn't missed it.

"Spence?"

"JJ." The feeling in her chest loosened a little at hearing his voice. He sounded sleepy, but not harmed.

"Spence, what's wrong? Is everything okay?"

"I'm… I'm not sure, I don't really know anymore…"

"Spence, talk to me. What's going on?" JJ's heart jumped into her throat at the silence on the other end of the line. "Spence? Spencer, are you there?"

She heard a laboured intake of breath and then, softly,

"Could you come over, JJ? Please?"

"Yeah, Spence, of course. Just… hang in there, okay? I'll be there in half an hour. Less. I promise I'll be there soon, it'll be okay."

"Okay." Came his reply. Spencer was always a quiet one, but he was talking in almost a whisper now.

"Hang in there, baby." JJ whispered as he hung up.

She leapt out of bed and pulled on a pair of sweatpants from the floor, tripping over herself as she fumbled in the dark. She chucked on a baggy jumper over her tank top, slid into her Ugg boots, and grabbed her phone and keys. As she ran to the door of her apartment she snatched a scarf from the hat stand, slammed the door behind her and bolted down the stairs.

She hurriedly crossed the road, and as she opened the door to her car and sat down, she sent a quick text to Spencer.

_Leaving now. Stay strong xx_

* * *

JJ turned her key to Spencer's apartment and softly opened the door.

"Spence?" She called as she quietly closed the door behind her and made her way through the rooms, peering in each one to see if he was there. When she arrived at his bedroom, the door was only slightly ajar. She heard a slight rustle from within and knocked lightly.

"Spence?" JJ called again.

"JJ?" came the soft reply. JJ slowly pushed open the door and entered the room.

Spencer was sat upright in his bed, covers in a chaotic mess on the bed, only partially covering him. He had on a pair of blue and white stripped pyjama pants, but no shirt. JJ cautiously made her way over to the ragged looking man, taking in his drained and exhausted, yet slightly frantic demeanour.

As Spencer looked at her, JJ suddenly felt an immense tug in her chest to run to him and hold him in her arms, but another part of her was almost scared to approach him. The harrowed, drained look in his eyes was not one she had associated with Spencer before. He was almost unfamiliar to her, and she was afraid of how he would react.

Abruptly, a small chuckle escaped from Spencer. For a moment, it brought back the usual spark in his eyes, the intelligent and attentive atmosphere that he carried around with him. JJ couldn't help the small smile from spreading across her face at the sound, or a small giggle of her own from escaping. Spencer's laughter was rare, but contagious.

"What's so funny?" JJ inquired. A lopsided grin lit up Spencer's face.

"Your Ugg boots," he answered, "they're uh… they're…"

JJ looked down to see that she was wearing a camel coloured boot on her left foot, and a fluffy, pink boot on her right. She rolled her eyes and, encouraged by the small re-emergence of the Spencer she knew and loved, walked over to the bed and sat down beside him. For a few moments, JJ just looked at him, watching as he nervously played with his hands, all signs of mirth wiped once more from his face. She took in the bags under his eyes and his usually curly, now lank and lifeless hair that framed his weary face. His usually clean-shaven skin had the smallest amount of stubble starting to show, and his shoulders seemed tense and hunched.

Eventually, she gently took one of his hands in her own, causing Spencer to look up at her. His hand was cold and she could feel how on edge he was, so she slowly began to massage it, eager to try and put him at ease. After a few moments, she felt that he had begun to relax, if only the smallest amount; just a slight shift in his posture and a subtle calmness across his features.

"What's up, Spence?" she asked quietly.

She could feel his eyes on her, so she met his gaze, trying to decipher the young man's pain. Spencer sighed and rested his head back against the wall.

"I haven't had a proper sleep in weeks, JJ." He admitted. JJ didn't reply, giving Spencer time to collect his thoughts. She could feel him becoming more agitated, but she knew he needed to talk. He needed someone to speak his mind to, and she wasn't going to tell him to stop.

"There's uh… there's this dream I have? Nightmare would probably be a better word for it. It's um… it's always about me. I mean, I'm always in it. There's uh, well there's always other people, too. Well, just one other person. The person isn't always the same though, and I don't actually ever recognise the person, but they're innocent. I always know that they're innocent, but uh…"

Spencer cleared his throat and avoided JJ's eye. He was talking faster and faster, his words becoming jumbled and hysterical.

"They always die. And they're always covered in… in blood? A lot of blood, actually. They're _always_ covered in it. It's almost like they're painted in it. I never know how they die, exactly, I don't see it, it just sort of happens-"

Spencer broke off with a chocked sob. JJ turned to swing her legs over Spencer's, and held his hands tight.

"Spence, Spence, it's okay. You're okay, it's not real-"

"I kill them, JJ." Spencer sobbed, "Every time. I don't know how I do it, but the way they look at me… I know it's me. They're so scared, they always know what I'm going to do to them! I see it in their eyes, they're so scared…"

Spencer collapsed into JJ, shaking from the force of his tears. JJ held him as she felt his hot tears hit her neck and whispered soft reassurances in his ear.

Seeing Spencer this distraught made JJ feel ill. He had been through so much in his relatively short life. He had seen so much pain and suffering, but he always put on a brave face, and he always, _always_, put others before himself. How much had he been hiding behind his shyness and sweetness? And for how long?

JJ didn't know how long it was before Spencer's sobs became occasional hiccups, and his shaking became a gentle rocking.

"Thank you." Spencer murmured eventually.

JJ took Spencer's face in her hands and kissed his forehead. He settled back into the crook of her neck and closed his eyes, feeling more peaceful than he had in a long time.

"I know we don't talk about it much, but we all get the nightmares, Spence." JJ said softly. "Sometimes it just feels like it's easier to say nothing at all, I know, to just pretend that they don't happen, but you can't let them destroy you. We're all here you for."

Spencer nodded.

"What happens in your nightmares?" He asked suddenly. JJ took a moment to answer.

"It changes, but mostly it's one of you guys… or Will." She sighed before continuing. "You're being kept somewhere, you've been kidnapped and I have to get to you, but I always wake up just before I do. They make me feel sick… sometimes it takes me a while to realise that they're only a dream. I guess I don't really like talking about it because it reminds me that it's not impossible."

Spencer was silent, but he hugged JJ a little harder.

"I'm scared that my dream isn't impossible either." He admitted, a shred of fear evident in his wavering voice. JJ pushed Spencer back and with her hands on his shoulders, looked him straight in the eye.

"Spencer Reid. You will _never_ hurt an innocent person. You are so kind and wonderful and intelligent. You are _far_ too compassionate and selfless to ever hurt anyone. And," she added, "I will _never, ever_ let you lose control like that. I swear on my life. None of us will, you hear me?"

Spencer gave JJ a watery smile and hiccupped again softly as tears slowly rolled down his cheeks, but they weren't tears of fear or anguish, they were tears of relief and gratitude. JJ understood, and gently wiped them away. She climbed under the covers and shook them out so they were covering them both, then settled down amongst the pillows with Spencer. They held each other close, tranquil in each other's presence, and gradually descended into sleep, knowing that the other was there to keep the nightmares away.


End file.
